My Big Fat Mouth

So this past weekend I spent 48 glorious hours at my
(maternal) grandparents' cabin. The weather was perfect. The scenery in rapid transition from summer to fall and I found myself in tranquil bliss- that is until talk of selling the cabin came up.

This cabin has been in the family for over 50 years, and though I've been going to it for about 30 I don't necessarily feel entitled to it as much as I feel it's a part of me I couldn't bear to give up.

My mom and aunt were talking about my grandparents desire to sell- one day- though that day didn't sound too far off. When I questioned my mom and aunt, they seemed to feel strangers would soon be inhabiting this wonderfully tranquil place since no one if the family can afford to buy it outright and the fear was that there would be too much bickering if left to the whole family.

It bothered me all weekend. I couldn't bear the thought of not being able to go up to the cabin one day, nor could I afford to buy it either. I kept thinking of ways in which I could.
Out of my grief, this morning I posted on Facebook something to the effect that my grandparents wanted to sell. I guess I alluded that they are currently selling which has caused somewhat of an uproar in the family leading to a chastisement from my grandfather.

I feel horrible. I only meant to convey my sadness at the thought of losing the cabin one day- which my be years off. It's not like there's a "For Sale" sign in the yard. (for only then would I believe it was true) As it stands, the cabin is NOT up for sale and may not be for a long time yet- or may never be. I just had to open my big fat e-mouth and now have to deal with the sweeping pandemonium.

So now I don't even feel worthy to go up there anymore. Perhaps this is profoundly stupid. It just fed into my feelings of crap for lack of wanting to articulately describe them. I'm not very articulate anyway. I'm more right brained. I live in pictures and images- not words.

Hopefully this will burn out quickly and I'll just go on remaining distant from every one. I feel like this is what I get for trying to engage myself in being open.