RED-EYE!

This weekend the 11 Sundays of mirth, merriment, and drunken bowling begin!
Ok- so I drink coffee but I can't speak for the rest of the league.

It's Red Eye Season! My brother Robbie and I are defending our championship title against the forces of evil- and the 23 other teams.

In a year of unprecedented rivalry, our father and friend are joining, adding to the already existing rivalry of my best friend and my brother's 2nd in command, and the team of our parents' neighbors.

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I've been thinking alot this week about Beauty. The more I read CAPTIVATING, the more I feel I am coming to understand beauty in a way I never did before and am understanding it's importance. It's not just a fringe benefit of life but an essential. We NEED beauty to survive.

Of course it can be used as a weapon and I'm learning more about how as well, but will try not to emply it that way :)

Reading about the necessity of beauty in our lives and realizing how many people are starving for it has opened my heart and strengthened my desire to serve others, to be more intent and outgoing in giving kindness and attention.

My spirit has been lifted, though in the last half hour as my heart opens, I find that my fear- especially fear of men has also been increased.
I'm not afraid of men in the physical sense because I can fight back there. What I fear is the area I feel I can't fight back -the emotional. I still have deep emotional wounds that are still healing from the men in my past.

And although I've been able to overcome most of them and move on, I realize that there is an impending encounter with a man tonight who had hurt me deeply and recently and I fear- not what he'll do or say- but what I'll do or say.

All week I've had visions of what could happen when our paths cross. I lose my temper, I take a swing at him, essentially I go ballistic and that's not what I'm going for. That's what I feel he deserves but not the kind of person I am.

On the reverse, I also don't want to be passive with him as I have been in the past. I've been hurt. I have a right to own up to that and to stand up to defend myself, but in the right way not a cruel way. That's the biggest area I have to work on when it comes to self-control.

I'm a hot head.

I'm governed by my emotions and although I have some sort of reasoning filter, many times I let my anger and frustration get the better of me.

Hopefully all goes well and that the encounter DOES happen, because I need to get it over with.

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Tonight will be my last night of singing at the Parkside. Sadness. :( I hear there's a big article about the Parkside in the Pioneer Press today. Check it out.
It's my second home away from home.

Lots and lots of memories.

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Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!