Thursday's Thoughts

Lately I've been thinking about things that matter. "What really matters in life?" is a question I face daily.
For one, family matters. Family is the core of our lives; the people we don't necessarily "choose" to love. They're the ones we're "supposed" to love whether we really like them or not. (Fortunately most of them are choosingly lovable :O )
Then there are friends. Friends help us in lifting us up, or helping us find our place in the world.
The funny irony is that for those of us who are still single, our friends are part of our daily lives- family perhaps less so- yet we spend all our major holidays with people we spend less time with rather than more time with.

I'm all for spending holidays with the relatives, but only seeing them twice a year I feel like there's nothing worth talking about. My friends who are with me in the trenches every day are the ones i'd rather be celebrating with- but I digress.

Jobs matter. Without them we cannot sustain ourselves unless we rely on the charity of others.

And the one that should be on the top of the list, GOD, is somehow found at the bottom of this list. I can't say my spiritual walk is thriving- neither is it dead. It's just there when I want to pay attention to it.
Every day I have intentions of doing more to make it grow but after tending to these other things that matter, I find I'm too exhausted to do anything. Some might say to tend to God first thing in the day. Well, not being a morning person, and being the person I am I know that my best time of day is at night. But also I'm just plain lazy. I will do nothing in the morning before I have that first cup of coffee.

I ws reading my friend Craig's blog about having good intentions and I found it inspiring. I find that the more I read anyone's blog I find out not how much we're all different as human beings, but how much we're all so similar.

We all have ambitions. things we want to do in our lives. We all have our family and friends to gab about. We all have our jobs- well most of us. We all have our things we like and things we dont like.

So what REALLY matters?????
If I woke up one day and found out it was the last day I'd be alive in this world, would I spend the whole day praying and talking to God???? No, I'm sure I wouldn't. I don't think any of us would.

Which of these so-called things that matter would I devote most of my remaining time to?
It wouldn't be my family. Sure I'd call them, tell them I love them, maybe write letters.

Would I go to work? HELL NO! Even though I spend the majority of my waking hours devoted to a job just to pay the bills; even though most of my life is spent among co-workers, I wouldn't even give my job a second thought.

So how about friends? Would I spend the day partying the time away? Taking a road trip and just having good times? Probably not. I'm sure I'd at least spend a few hours with them but not an entire day.

A lover? Well not currently having one would complicate that, but even going and spending the day with an ex who I once loved wouldn't be fulfilling.

I wouldn't want to spend the day alone. So.............what would I do? What REALLY matters so much I would devote my remaining hours to do it???
And for right now, the only answer I can come up with is : helping others. Serving food at a homeless shelter. Spending time with those who have no one to comfort them- like those in a hursing home. I would spend time doing the things I really enjoy- like singing or painting or writing.

Beyond that, I can't think of anything that truly matters in life. Then I ask myself why every single day I do have I spend my time doing things that don't matter? Losing all the chances to do what does matter.
Greed, fleshly desires, selfishness, lack of self-control.......

Gee, that makes me feel like crap. Resolving to change though seems a lofty goal. I've never been able to attain it. So it comes back to the spiritual life. Only God can bring about true change and he's at the bottom of my barrel. Makes me think I have some re-organizing to do.

So for anyone who actually reads my blog and thinks I've been a ghost lately....this is why. i've spent the last several months trying to find out 1. what really matters? and 2. trying to find the best way to reorganize and to some strategy development.

To my friends: you DO matter and I hope this didn't make it sound like you don't. You're the encouragement, the foundation that's built on the rock.

Think that's all the concentration I have for today. :)