Relapse

Lately I've been struggling with an overwhelming array of thoughts revolving around some serious issues in my life.

While some are ever present, like what do I REALLY want to be when I grow up? Who will I marry? Will I ever have children? There are some that are more recent and more preoccupying. ....I don't know if that's how you even spell it....

For what seem like so long now I have been strugging in a neverending quest to find the elusive "love" thing that everyone talks about. i've sampled "love" in relationships that have ended in death, alcoholism, emotional abuse, and homosexuality. I've even delved into the forbidden area of extra-marital affairs....inadvertently of course.

Ideals and virtues as I try to have, I cannot resist a man when he pursues me...no matter what his status. That being said, I won't succumb to just any man. There are some weirdos who try to pursue me and i'm just like "go away". Sometimes i might try to be nice and accept a drink or a dance but often that encourages them and leads them to think they have a chance of "scoring" with me.

Yet flirt with distaster as I may like to do, this time I may have gone just slightly too far.....