A Day in May

Can you believe it's May already?

Seems like I've been living life so fast this year I'm out of breath just thinking about it.... and yet somehow I still have trouble trying to be patient in some things. You'd think that if I'd just hold my breath a little longer, the waiting time would be over and where patience is required it would be found. Not the case.

Like any other American, I am consumed by instan gratification. I've been in denial about this for some time, but it was highlighted just last week. I was running short on funds and I had an overwhelming compulsion to buy the new Doctor Who series out on DVD. It's $100 I definitely didn't have, but I WANTED it.

I tried to borrow the money from 2 different people. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not the type to aks for money. Even my mom told me to wait. She reminded me I have a birthday coming up- like I could forget- and that if nothing else I should at least wait until the end of the week.

I didn't want to wait. I couldn't. I had to have it. Mom said I can't get everything I want when I want it and inside this rebellious little voice said "you just watch me". As fortune would have it, I received $85 the next day from a bowling banquet. Like all fortunate monetary receivings I thought some disaster would fall upon me to swoop away my reward but instead I spent it as fast as I could drive to the mall.

I managed to watch the entire season of Doctor Who- 585 minutes of it in 2 days. It's like mental crack. I couldn't stop.

Yesterday I received my federal tax rebate in the mail and already I'm planning to go to the mall today to buy more clothes. Do I really need them? Probably not. But I WANT new stuff. I'm getting older and I need new stuff to seem cool and make guys notice me, don't I?

(I'm not serious about that last statement but it's in the back of my mind sometimes).

I feel the strong pull of wanting to quench the desires that well up within me- with money and stuff instead of prayer. Many times prayer is enough to make my temptations subside, or just sleeping on them makes them diminish. Although sometimes it doesn't work and I'm not persistent in my prayers and I think I end up wasting so much money on stuff I don't really need.

It's just stuff to enhance my life, nothing that's necessary.
If I think of all the wardrobes I've gone through, all the money spent that I could stil have if I didn't care about fashion, about what other people thought....if I didn't keep losing jewelry or buying makeup.

I might even give away almost as much as I spend. I'm a pretty big tipper, take friends on trips, or to expensive hockey games, or buy expensive presents. I Love to dote upon people but that seems squanderous as well.

Like so many of my posts, I have no idea what my point is. Maybe there's just more worthwhile things for our earnings, or letting the money sit in savings might not be a bad idea. Just something I've been thinking about lately.

Happy belated May Day!

Hard to believe it's been almost a year since my last birthday and that in 23 days I will enter the last year of my life that I will ever be in my 20s.