The 90-10 Rule

It seems I've been posting on a somewhat tri-annual basis. Unfortunately I seem to enjoy reading and commenting on other people's blogs more than writing my own, however some stories must be shared.....


If you haven't seen the movie "Hitch" with Will Smith, you may not know what the 90-10 rule is. I recommend you use this movie as the basis for any dating you do.....

Last night I went on my first "real" date in several years. I admit to being slightly nervous and tried to abide by first date etiquette. Anyone who knows me well enough knows my life can be pretty action packed and dramatic, but I tried to leave the drama at the door.

The person I went out with is "Tom". Tom and I went to both junior high and high school together. I remember having several classes with him- though I don't recall which one's specifically- and I remember him being pretty quiet. Two weeks ago we had our 10 year high school reunion. I hadn't seen Tom since graduation. He looks more or less like I remembered but more mature, more facial hair, and slightly more conversing.

We spent a fair amount of talking at the reunion. I gave him my e-mail address. He e-mailed me 2 days later wanting to get together. I invited him to join me for karaoke the next weekend. He showed up even though he doesn't sing. Again we talked and the next day he sent another e-mail to me citing what a great time he had and wanted to go out to dinner with me sometime.

I agreed. We've had 10 years to catch up on so initially there's lots to talk about. Here's how the evening went:

Tom decided we should meet at Don Pablos for dinner. I arrived about 5 minutes before he did and put us on the reservation list because the place wss packed! Tom arrived. We chatted while waiting for a table. We talked so much we had a hard time stopping to place our order. We talked continously throughout dinner (I am NOT a Don Pablos food fan by the way, but it's acceptable for atmosphere).

We both had a strawberry margarita and enchiladas. After dinner Tom ordered a beer- Dos Equis on tap. We split the bill- each paying our share. When we finally found a break in the conversation, Tom walked me to my car. Now I already had an idea that he was pretty interested in me by the way he seemed to remember every little detail of my life- so much as I had told him- .

So we got to my car. Tom says he had a great time and wants to go out again. I agreed (though not quite wholeheartedly). We've been able to converse easily enough. I saw no reason to decline- yet. Then he hugged me goodbye- ok, but then, almost as an afterthought, he lunged forward and kissed me- nit on the cheek but on the lips! It was only a nanosecond peck but I suddenlt felt extremely awkward......not because I disagree with first date kisses so much. It's just that I hardly know what the guy's like anymore. It's a first date and there was no flirting going on whatsoever on either side. It was out of nowhere and I wasn't agreeable to it in this situation.

Sorry to say, but as much and as easily as we've talked, I find myself feeling no attraction to him at all. He's good looking, but not for me. Unfortunately I think he feels the opposite. I hate breaking hearts!!!!!

So the 90-10 rule? If you've seen the movie you'll know that when going for a kiss (especially on the first date) the gus moves in 90% of the way to the woman. If she is agreeable to the kiss she will come the other 10% of the way. This was no 90-10 but a full 100% move in.

Now I regret agreeing to go out with him again. I think he'd be a great friend just not so great a boyfriend- for me. He'd be great for someone, but I'm looking for a different personality. I jokingly told a co-worker that I seem to gravitate towards men who don't seem to give a crap.

On a first date, I don't mind meeting somwhere, but picking me up is good, too. I like a guy who likes to be in control (but allow mw input). The guy would make the reservations and know what to order. He'd pay for everything and not ask what the specials are (that also happened last night- it actually made me feel a little cheap).

There wouldn't be a first date kiss unless we had such a good time we were out all night and flirting. Last night I was more interested in going to sing karaoke than continuing on to somewhere else.

To all you guys: make sure you abide by the 90-10 rule!